Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (2009)

I was really looking forward to this film. Having been on holiday over the last few weeks, I escaped the reviews and just strolled in - one of those "blank canvas" situations where you don't know what to expect. A few friends said it was darker than the others, so I brought my partner along (who hates Harry Potter) in an attempt to convince her that I don't read children's books. My attempt failed and our long lasting Harry Potter standoff came abruptly to an end.

It got off to a great start. The opening scene was everything I hoped for and had the audience geared up for something a bit different. I got the same feeling as when I sat down to Casino Royale - nice and gritty and less cheesy. So far so good.

(Harry refers to himself as a "tosser" - Suzie starts enjoying it too).

Then it begins - Harry flirts with the waitress, Dumbledore tells Harry he needs a shave - Harry Potter hits puberty. Boom! The girls behind me, also having recently hit puberty, start giggling. Uh oh. "That was never in the book" I whisper in Suzie’s ear. I felt obliged to defend myself when it started turning against me.

It continues. It gets better, it gets worse, but generally drones on. I know they start fancying each other, but oh god do they over do it. Lavender Brown (Jessie Cave) is magnificently crap. "That was nicely shot" - I defend myself further. 2 hours 33 minutes later, I walk out with Suzie and have one of those situations where you don't really start discussing the film until you've exited the cinema - you just walk out in near silence, wondering to yourself whether your going to say the film was bad or really, really bad.

As I began justifying myself, I came to three conclusions. Firstly, the book was always going to make a bad film. It's a "background book" - not much happens, the reader learns a lot about the past - one of those books which explains a lot that the other books didn't. Secondly, it's not the director's fault the acting was, almost without exception, a bad joke. Most of the actors were cast when they were ten. Who knew whether they would be any good when they grew up? Thirdly, it's a children's book at the end of the day. Ten year olds started watching these films - they're now in their teens - maybe the pubescent politics needed to be that obvious.

All in all? Junk. I’m still going to see the next one though :-)

4/10